


No Lies

by Morgana



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana/pseuds/Morgana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why couldn't she lie to Spike, anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Lies

_I can't lie to myself... or to Spike._  The words rang in her ears long after she left Angel sitting on his couch, unable to look at her without pain and need swimming in his eyes. Buffy did her best not to think about that, since she was pretty sure she'd go crazy if she did, so she chose something else to puzzle over. Why was it that she couldn't seem to lie to Spike, anyways? It wasn't like he was close to her, wasn't like he was a friend or someone of any importance at all, so she should be able to tell him whatever she felt like, shouldn't she?  
  
The question lingered, tickling the back of her brain as she went about her usual evening routine. She finished her homework, ate supper, went out to patrol, then came home and got ready for bed, all the while still half-heartedly musing over Spike's seemingly supernatural power to see right through her. For half a second, she considered asking Giles if there were some kind of special vampire abilities that might allow him to serve as a human lie detector, and if she weren't aware of how monumentally stupid she would've sounded, she might actually have done it. No, in the end, she was left to conclude that it was simply... Spike.  
  
Something about him made it impossible to lie to him. Maybe it was his own unflinching honesty or his refusal to hide his head in the sand and pretend the way the rest of them did. Buffy wondered if that same quality was what made him able to love so deeply that he could look at Drusilla's skanky cheating and still want her back. What would it be like to be loved like that? To know that no matter what, the person who loved you wasn't ever going to turn away from you?  
  
She knew this was where she was supposed to tell herself that Angel loved her like that, but she couldn't. Sometimes she wished she could just bury her head in the sand and pretend, but deep inside, she knew she'd feel the lie, taste it every time she told it, and she couldn't do it. No, more than that - she didn't want to. Lies were easy, which was probably why most people preferred them - why  _she_  preferred them, if she were being brutally honest - but they weren't real. She might not like the truth, but it had substance. She could hold onto it and know that it wouldn't vanish, like so many other things did upon further examination.  
  
Was that why Spike didn't lie, or buy into other people's lies? Had he once been drawn in by a pretty web of lies, believed in illusion and had it yanked out from under him? She wondered if he'd ever had a morning like hers, when the world had been turned upside down and the truth was the only thing to cling to, or if he just didn't care enough to lie to people. Somehow, she thought it was the first - he seemed too invested in honesty for it to be the second. Whichever it was, she had to respect him for it - but she'd still dust him if he set foot back in Sunnydale again.


End file.
